She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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