I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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