its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
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