Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
