"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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