So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize