its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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