My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just found a bag of teeth...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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