I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
