If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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