New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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