what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
