her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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