Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
