All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
