a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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