I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
