i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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