I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
