If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
