Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
