I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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