There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I understand Curling. That high.
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.