i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.