Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
