the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
She's JV to your varsity
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
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That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
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All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.