What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!