my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
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I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
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We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.