you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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