ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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