i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
