you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
