I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
