Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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