it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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