Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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