At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize