I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
