i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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