We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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