We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Nobody cheats on THIS.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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