I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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