i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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