where am i from again
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
