if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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