but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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