We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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