I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
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it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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