Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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