So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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