So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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