Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
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