Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
