If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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