Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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