Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Randomize
