Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
