ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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