I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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