we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
