Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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