I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
