I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We have started to decorate penises.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
