theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
