I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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