Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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