so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
