Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
