Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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