He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
