did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
