my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I will pee on everything he values.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Randomize
