I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
