there's paper in my vomit.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
