omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize