my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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