is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
