someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Randomize
