Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
