You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
