Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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