im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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