I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
this boner is exhausting
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
