no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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